TQIF: Thank Quetzalcoatl It's Friday

Aries

You'll be discombobulated most of the day. Yes, discombobulated.

Taurus

Fish will fall from the sky. Bring a sturdy umbrella.

Gemini

You thought they didn't know. They do. It all comes out tomorrow, so be prepared.

Cancer

You and your four friends' vehicles will transform and become a giant robot. Only then will you defeat Godzilla.

Leo

You'll feel a tremendous confidence and strut around like a peacock all day. Instead of their normally indifferent stare, everybody will look at you with a smile on their face. Yeah, your fly's open.

Virgo

You will find out it DOES taste like butter.

Libra

You partner has cut the cocaine and is selling on the side. You'll discover that tomorrow, but should plan his "accident" today.

Scorpio

First thing at work tomorrow: quit. It'll be less embarrassing for you that way.

Sagittarius

At 2:04 PM, on Terrance Street, in front of the third building on the right, there's a quarter on the ground. Hey, better than nothing.

Capricorn

Tomorrow will bring a new ray of sunshine into you're life, and you'll feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. Then, out of nowhere: ninjas.

Aquarius

When you get the urge to just run around naked in the street, don't resist it.

Pisces

I told you what to do yesterday, and you didn't do it. And now you're whining. Well, for tomorrow's prediction: fuck you.